Tips on finding the best caregiving match for your loved one

I’m nearly 50, and my personality has definitely changed over the years, and will continue to evolve with time and experience, but the foundation of how I experience the world around me, and how I interpret it, has been fundamentally the same since I was a very young child.  My observations of my aging parents, now in their 70’s, reveals the same finding. When I was a child, my 30 year old Dad’s impulsive, impatient, and non-stop worker personality was balanced by his tender spirit and ease in showing affection to his family. I still see his strong personality traits that were there when he was in his 30’s, but they show up differently, and I am sure that they will continue to soften in some areas and strengthen in others. 

 I imagine that when he is in need of caregiving, he will be an excellent conversationalist.  He just loves to ask questions and learn about people.  On the other hand, like I said, he is impulsive and impatient and these factors will be a safety concern in regard to his mobility and completion of self care.  He does not like to be told what to do or how to do it or to be critiqued.  This will also be a challenge when he is in the need of hands on caregiving or supervision in the future. The way I, or another caregiver, approaches him will be critical for his success and cooperation. 

Let’s explore a few major aspects of caregiving to care for recipient compatibility and take into consideration the unique needs that your loved one has.  

Personality and Communication

First, let’s look at personality because if this match is right, then it makes all the other areas work much more smoothly. Truly, any medical or physical caregiving challenge can be managed with more success when the personality of the caregiver and the care recipient match, making it a very important foundation. 

You may be familiar with a well known and research based personality profile Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, but if you are not, I would encourage you to go over and check it out. You can take the test for your own personality, and if your loved one is able to answer the questions, you could use it with them too. This is a tool to help us understand ourselves and our interactions with others, but it’s not completely necessary for helping you find a good match for your loved one.  

Without taking the assessment, there are a few things to consider in regard to your loved one’s personality and how they interact with others. 

• Extrovert vs introvert

• Sensing vs introvert

• Thinking vs feeling

• Judging vs perceiving

Think about how you interact with your loved one on a daily basis.  What works well and what does not?  Maybe you are not with them daily but you know what not to say and also know what motivates them.  

The following elements of communication make a valuable difference:

• Body position ( close up vs distance, standing vs squatting down, next to vs in front of)

• Tone of voice 

• Cadence of speech

• Energy level used in communicating

• Time provided for response

• Effective listening 

When looking for the right caregiving match for your loved one, these are important elements of personality and communication to consider. How does your loved one prefer to be interacted with?  Think of the people they get along with easily.  Watch their communications and make note of the style they use.  Notice what sets your loved one up for increased stress or withdrawal. 

Consider arranging an informal get together for your candidate and your loved one. Then, ask your loved one for their true feedback immediately after the get together.  Ask them how they felt (comfortable, hopeful, energized, calme, etc). When they feel safe and positive, they will have a favorable experience in the care of this person. 

If your loved one deals with anxiety or has poor social interactions, it will be very important to find someone who is calm, quiet, provides extended time for communication and activity completion, and who can ask simple questions to help your loved one to communicate with ease. 

Sometimes, people with anxiety tend to micromanage others and their surroundings, which can be very difficult to deal with as a caregiver. If you know this about your loved one, you need to share it with the candidate. There are several ways to deal with this personality and in my opinion, it is one of the more challenging because it takes a very patient person but the person can not be overly submissive.  They need to be able to provide direction in balance to receive it and to establish a role of partnership vs “employee” with the care recipient. 

On the contrary, when a care recipient is withdrawn and uncooperative with daily routine tasks that are absolutely necessary, such as ADLs, the caregiver needs to utilize more energy. The caregiver needs to find the right motivator for the patient and should elicit just the right amount of energy. 

Medical Needs of the care recipient

The need for a caregiver to manage any type of medical equipment needs to be considered. Consider needs related to the following: IVs, colostomy bags, urostomy bags, indwelling catheters, external drains, wraps or bandages that might require changing, special clothing or braces required for walking, medication dosing or testing such as blood sugar testing and standard pill administration throughout the day.  Specific training is required for management of some of the above, yet the caregiver may be able to provide care for your loved one without directly managing something like an IV.  However, they need to be aware of the risks associated with the IV related to positioning and hygiene for instance and to demonstrate proper carry over of how you have trained them to manage any of these areas.  

Transfer and mobility needs of the care recipient

If your loved one requires more than supervision for safely getting up from a seated surface to avoid a fall then your caregiver needs to be able to provide physical assistance. This is especially challenging when the recipient requires some heavy lifting or assistance for walking. As long as your caregiver can be trained and has the physical capability to follow the skilled approach, they might be a good fit.  The caregiver needs to have adequate strength, balance, problem solving skills and safety awareness.  

Other areas of physical assistance related to mobility are transfers to and from: bed, toilet,  shower, couch, dining chairs, recliners, and up or down any steps in the home.  If a walking device is required, the safe use of the walking device needs to be followed and encouraged by the caregiver. 

Time of day, availability

Finding a caregiver that is available at the time of day that is most suitable for your loved one is very important.  Care recipients most often require assistance with ADL’s, typically at the start and end of days involving getting washed and dressed. Knowing a clear time of day that your loved one requires assistance will help you in finding the most effective match.  

The not so odds and ends

A caregivers level of dependability to arrive as scheduled and to provide effective notice when not available should be made very clear.  Having a written check list of expectations is a good idea.  Patience is another very valuable factor to consider.  The best caregivers demonstrate a high level of patience and flexibility in their interactions and with their willingness to make adjustments to the recipient's needs throughout the day. Compassion is not something that can be trained or demanded.  It is a part of one’s nature to an extent and is vital in the role of caregiving. Trustworthiness of anyone entering a home and caring for someone can not be stated enough times.  Don’t be shy in asking for personal references, character type, from your caregiving candidate.  Even if they come from other lines of work, talking to people on the phone or in person about your candidate's trustworthiness is very important.  Creativity to make last minute adjustments to meet the needs of your loved one are very important.  The ability to make quick changes of direction, adjust the environment and make modifications to an approach in effort to make your loved one successful will make a world of difference throughout the day.    

There are so many factors in regard to finding the right match for your loved one and it isn’t always going to be just right. No one is going to be a perfect match most of the time.  Think of how rare it is for us to find a good friend or a partner that is just right. A caregiver-recipient match up is even more challenging and very important to get right.  Hopefully after reading this article you will find a successful